Best of 3

The perfect threesome is, in my opinion, two men and a woman. Why have one man when you can have two? Especially when I have notoriously failed at relationships. Having one man fulfil all of your needs is too much pressure. For that reason, I find that with a life as hectic as mine, companionship and sex are best kept separate, and you should have a different male counterpart for each.

My best friend is male, and you could say that what we have is essentially a relationship without benefits, being the polar opposite of friends with benefits. I would go to him with any crisis and he’s the first person I call after a breakup, but I’d never jump into bed with him. Actually, this happens on a semi-regular occurrence, but again in a completely non-sexual, fully-clothed, non-erotic, been married for 50 years type of situation. Which brings me to the fact that it definitely helps that there is no sexual attraction between us, as confusing as that can be to everyone in the outside world who sees two attractive individuals enjoying a completely platonic partnership. However, you would never go up to two men who appear to genuinely enjoy each other’s company and say, ‘Why don’t you guys just get together already?’ When Harry Met Sally could have been the best thing for male-female friendship, until they ruined it in the end with the stereotypical rom-com ending.

Finding companionship in a man is the hard part, finding one to sleep with is like getting a train on the Central line in London – fairly reliable, with the sporadic interruption for maintenance (usually being my own). I’ve managed to have two years worth of writing material based on this revelation, that when a girl wants to have sex, there’s about a 99% chance that she can make this happen.

This isn’t to say that I have standards with men I will be friends with and not with those I will sleep with – quite the contrary. I like all the men I sleep with (which frankly, should be a minimum requirement), and manage to maintain at the very least a casual friendship with them, but rarely do I seek out more than that. Life is too short for such indulgences. It doesn’t mean I won’t want a serious relationship in the future, but that’s in the future, why worry about it? At the moment, I don’t know of any men that can completely fulfil both roles, so at least for now- I have my perfect threesome.


After fighting my way through the academic trauma and the social cobweb of Oxbridge for three years, I made the cliché migration to London. The slips, trips and face plants of life, love and sex that chased me through my uni years kindly escorted me to London where I live a hectic life that's been fed steroids. I started writing about my life in my second year and 'I'll stop doing it, when you stop laughing.